June 15^th                                                                                              Juan Marichal Day

Thanks to everyone, especially Mark Hetterly, Steve Ruegg and Roy Cilia for throwing some amazing choices at me for numbers. Hetterly’s was flawed with the inclusion of so many Damn Yankees, and Rueggs pined for his HS BBall # 10 to be included, but that would have to bump Pele, so sorry Steve.

Yours in spirit…..

 So I enter this weekend with the #26 hanging in my garage, a week away from #31 and Reggie Miller. The best I have for #26 is Wade Boggs, the old BoSox 3^rd baseman who whored out to Tampa and later to the Damn Yankees……he’s a weak link till we get going on Bonds, Mays, Jordan (Maravich?) Will Clark and on and on…..thanks for playing, it does help the time pass.

So, I am 9 sessions into 35 total, just over 25% of the way. I can live with 25%. I am a bit red, and the face is showing some signs of the predicted acne/rash thing, but Kiki has such a handle on face cleansers, and the like, and I am in possession of some scrips, we’ll see. Again, I can’t be fooled by early results, this gets worse, but 25% of it is done and I am honestly NOT suffering. Tired, anxious, anticipatory, moody, but still eating and drinking well.

 False start on the feeding tube last week. They wanted to initially send the tube down my throat and esophagus and into the stomach where they pop it out and it sees the light of day. We nixed that because of the off chance that the tube would grab a loose cell and bring it along for the ride, either to the esophagus or the stomach. The numbers on espohagul cancer are bad, like 80% fail rate, and the stomach is nowhere to have cancer, so I took matters into my hands and said no, come in from the outside.

So, I go to John Muir on Tuesday, everyone is scrubbed, I’ve got IV’s going, and the Doctor says that they are going to send a small catheter down the throat and into the stomach to help blow it up so they can find it to enter from the outside.

My next words? “Unplug me, I am out of here.” I am meeting with my surgeon on Monday to schedule a laprascope where they come in from the outside and avoid the tract. I mean, Come On! After all this effort, to let chance take over is not on the table.

So, I’ve lost a few days, don’t know when the surgery will be, but I am having it done because my brothers out there who have gone through this all did it, and the results “saved them,” to paraphrase.

I may not need it today, but when we get into the low teens and single digit days, something tells me….

 Last weekend, Sam’s Little League Team, ironically, the Yankees, were facing elimination and had to sweep a pair from the dreaded and undefeated Phillies to win the championship, which is EXACTLY what they did over a 4 hour span. Sam played CF like Willie Mays, ranging far in each direction, hauling in catches and firing strikes on line to the plate. No one ran on him. He capped off his day with a triple and he scored on a subsequent base hit.

He also made a full extension dive from 3^rd base, a la Brooks Robinson to make a play to start the first game, better than anything I ever did in Little League.

We move on to a Tournament of Champions this weekend playing teams from all over the East Bay. I am so fortunate to have been able to watch everything, the timing has been great.

Finally, and most importantly, I turned 55 yesterday, and the outpouring of calls, Facebook hits, emails, texts, and cards was humbling beyond expression. I feel so much love from out there, so much attention. Never have I had a day where so much energy came my way. I can’t get back to all of you individually, impossible, but it was so great. I am the luckiest guy in the world to have folks like y’all in my corner. I don’t take it for granted, I just appreciate it so much.  

Keep praying, its’ working, I am going to heal, and I am going to help the next guy who runs into this beast. I’m a full 3 mos into treatment and I am getting better. Maybe worse before totally better, but I am going to make it…..keep chiming in, I feed off of it.

And, a toast to Matthew Cain, he will be #18 without a doubt, sorry Peyton Manning!

June 9^th, 2012 

 I love numerology…..I have added, multiplied and divided the numbers on license plates since I was in 4^th grade. I make words using the letters, ideally in the order of the letters…..then the car goes by and I try it again. Imagine my excitement when personalized plates came out……got to figure out words like they do on Wheel of Fortune…..I think it goes without saying my ability to track dates of various Grateful Dead shows and recant the nuances of the show, the town, the drive in or out, the camping scene is legendary, by many other’s admission…… but mostly it’s the numbers. ….well, Thursday, after mentioning Larry Bird and Kareem as # 33’s, I throw out Jim Brown (no slouch, to be sure) as my pick for #32…….well, I blew it, and as the world works, my “shoulda’  been choice for #32” Bill Walton calls me……on Day 32! You can’t make this stuff up. By the by, Bill and I share a love of numbers and their infinite twists. He can’t recall dates of shows like me, or maybe even where, but I chalk that up to years of NCAA and NBA traveling, dates, arenas, hotels…..and for those not in the know, NO ONE will ever wear #32 at UCLA again, ever!

Since he didn’t know the error of my ways, I didn’t have to apologize for naming Jim Brown, but I am switching over to Bill Walton for Friday’s tag.

Which brings up a cool idea…..a sports figure for every number as we descend to victory. Pat Alongi, SCU ’79 told me to look forward to Willie Mays, Joe Montana, Steve Young and even the non-illustrious Dorrell Wright of the Warriors, who wears #1. We can do better than that for number one, but the others sound great to me.

Next on the list, #31 (Monday’s target) and I am going to throw out the name Reggie Miller. I invite my sports fiends to offer up other names for other numbers, everyone has to have an identity. The above #’s 24, 16, 8 are now assigned. More points for Bay Area legends! I will have Sam track this, and as we walk in the garage door from yet another treatment, we tear it away, revealing the next one.

Listen, there is pretty much zero fun in this whole process, so play along, would ya’?!??!

On another note, the lasers shooting down from directly above align to the circled X’s on my mask, insuring they don’t radiate my eyeball instead of my throat……so they can stay, I’m good with them.

At the conclusion of Friday’s treatment, I stand at Reggie Miller….I don’t suspect he is going to call me over the weekend, but stranger things have happened.

I’ll check back soon. Y’all’s feedback has been great, inspiring me to continue and be more frequent, which I will do.

TS

The number 33 hangs on a hook in the garage. Larry Bird's #, Kareem's #......for 24 more hours, my number......then we will be down to Jim Brown......wait till you see my mask. My friend Mark Karan, who went through the EXACT same cancer, brought his home at the end of treatments and made a freaking Pinata out of it. For now, think Hannibal Lector.
I took it all in today, did it with eyes wide open. The machines move in a counter-clockwise direction, stationing themselves in different positions and then you hear a whirring sound......a break, then more, and more, and more. There are two red lights directly above my head in the ceiling, lasers I suppose. This thing is hitting me like the lasers in the movie The Matrix. Coming from every conceivable angle, I imagine. I got an itch today, had to seriously work through that. Don't want to fidget by any means! All in all, about 20 minutes on the table, just long enough to  be annoying.
I'm building up a cache of creams, steriod topicals, mouth wash mixtures, this sucker is going to be fended off in any way possible. I am generating a daily sheet to keep me on track. After a mere two days I see a little bit of red on the face....so hit it with more Aloe.
I have two buyers in full ready to pull the plug on a house mode, so that could be great. Like to get them in before I look like a stranded man in the desert.....send the juju out my way folks, gotta pay for this shit. I wanna be in the Coldwell Banker Top 20 (or 10) again this year.....
Thanks to my drivers......y'all's emails have been super. Stay with me....
TS

Monday June 4th

Hi Ho…..Second Half Tip Off begins today…..I like that it is raining, sets a good tone for me. Going to get a  2 hour drop of Erbitux. It is an antibody treatment, not a chemo. Radiation then begins on Tuesday. I am making a 35 day notepad, one page per day, and we will tear off a page as we arrive home from treatments each day, knocking one more day off the meter. Nervous, but understanding that I got through a real hard chemo and now I am going to go through a real hard radiation. Others have done it, I can too.

Thanks for the love, it feels like I am cliff diving today, and the cool clear water is far below…….everyone says I make a big splash!

May 30th                                                         Sam Stack's 13th B-Day
Hey Now Everyone,

I keep apologizing for not staying on top of this blog....I realize it could translate into "what's wrong?" but not to worry, all is good. As Monday June 4th (radiation Day One) approaches, I admit to some nervousness. I also understand that it begins the countdown towards completion of treatment, and the long slow crawl out of this physical and emotional beat down.
I had a GREAT Memorial Day weekend, hope the same for you. Live music, a Giant's game, visitors.....Sam was born on the Memorial Day Sunday back in 1999.....this means that his b-day usually lasts about a week.....no party on the Memorial Day Weekend cause his buds are scattered, so we do it the following weekend, thus the one week long bacchanal. We got together with family and close friends on Sunday, and it was wonderful. My nephews have great spirit, and Sam is close with them. We hung out for about 6-7 hours, but I ran outta gas. I was able to imbibe in a couple margaritas and a beer or two, and that did not provide me any energy.....at all......but I won't be going there soon, so what the hell. The support was great, it was great to see everybody, and now it is time to roll up my sleeves and get to work.
Though I wouldn't wish this on ayone, the support and love that has come my way from everywhere has been astounding. Chicago, Atlanta, Phoenix, Denver, NYC, and all around the Bay. I am loved, I feel it, and I cherish it. Love is Real, Not Fade Away......I have gotten emails from folks I haven't spoken to in years, one in particular from SCU classmate Steve Page blew me out.....we spent a month over in Hawaii back in 1978 hanging with SCU Hawaiians (he and I were honorary locals, members of the Hawaiian Club even though we were born in SF), and his recollections and reflections from that time made me feel like I was sitting under the Halawa Falls waterfall on Molokai again.....the jungle hike in, the mystery, the serenity, the freedom, the wonder of our youth when all the world was in front of us. 34 years ago, celebrating life, loving our friends, care-free on a virtually uninhabited island.....what does it all mean? When does this ride stop for us? What stops it? Is it a little throat cancer? Is it something worse? We don't know, nothing is guaranteed, we just get up in the morning and go about our stuff. What happens when we are gone? Who picks up where we left off? Did we live our life right? Did we take care of others? Did we love unconditionally?
I'll tell you what.....my experience now, for me, has shown me that the love is there, and people will express it if they are scared and think or wonder if you may be gone. It also breeds for relative thinking, a comparative thought as to my problems vs. your problems.....we ALL go through shit, directly or indirectly, with parents, kids, friends, ourselves......my mentor and life teacher, Bill Walton reminds me that he, and I, are the luckiest guys in the world.....to love what we do, love our lives, our friends and family, to be blessed with our collective experiences both shared and expeienced individually.....and he's right. And it takes a Champion's mentality to get back to the top. Not everyone can do it, but his suggestion to read Lance Armstrong's book, "It's Not About the Bike," was a good one. I am inspired, excited, hopeful and completely FULL of wonderment as to what lies on the other side of my life when I put this cancer crap behind me. I AM lucky, because I got a reminder at 54 years old......when you get yours, make the most of it.
Don't ask me why, but in the past week, I have randomly heard an old song by Rare Earth from 1969 called "I Just Want to Celebrate Another Day of Living." Remember that one? Well, I heard it 3 times, and I have no idea why....that's not true, I do, because I believe in that stuff. So, I lean on my music and hope for the best.
Folks have had trouble posting a response to the blog....go to "Comments" and click on it. That should bring you to a box that you can begin typing in and then hit post (I think) and I'll get it. I get ALL of them. Traffic has slowed a bit with the initial diagnosis fading, but I still need you. Post something and I will revel in your support. Take care and be safe, I'll be back soon.
Aiko, Aiko
TS

Hey Now Everybody,                                                  Break Between Chemo & Radiation
Man, I got y'all riled up for the Lafayette Community Music Festival, my goal to get there and see so many of you, and then I go completely dark. Not good blogging.....
So, we nailed the Music Fest. Anyone who was there could attest. The quality of the players, the AMAZING turnout, some GREAT stuff on the Silent Auction Table made it an entertaining evening.
To the power of goals, to believing that I was going to make it that night, the whole night. That was my goal.
My obstacle was that the gig date fell on Day 12 of the 21 day chemo round, and my notes from the 1st 2 rounds were that this was just about the worst day, the top of the bell curve, so to speak........that caused me some concern, and I off-loaded a few tasks that made my life easier. Day of show I rested, didn't meet the bands coming in like I like to do, but stayed home till 6:15 and rested, napped, retained every bit of my energy....I blew my own mind that night.....I rolled through the night, yakked my mouth off at the MC mic, intro'd everybody, and got to sing in the Grand Finale, led by Drew Harrison of the Sun Kings, a rousing version of "With A Little Help from My Friends (my choice).
I did get by with LOTS of help from my friends. The ticket turnout was amazing....loads of folks came from the Peninsula, The City, Marin, and Dan-o from Phoenix, AZ. Lots of folks took a stab at the Auction, which served to up the ante, all to the benefit of the Theatre. Cancer or no cancer, that was one of the funnest nights of my life. Thanks to everybody for bringing the great love and energy for me. The human being is an incredible energy-giving-receiving composition. Very Avatar-like, and man, my tail was plugged into that orchid all night long, baby!
I get a break from May 14th to June 4th, where I will then begin 7 weeks of radiation, 5x/week. With chemo treatments now something I have experienced and completed, I move on as boldly as I think I can. This radiation thing grows on ya, week by week, and gets nasty that 5th to then post treatment 9th or 10th week.......the radiation can and does work up to 2 mos after your last treatment, in there burning shit up.
I have a 5 or 6 guy network of fellas who have experienced this very cancer, from 48-67 years old. Each time, I was put in touch by someone who heard my story and helped me make contact. It is amazing to hear their different takes and experiences as I "interview" them. They all offer different perspectives, so I get to go a-la-carte and take the nugget ideas. I also find comfort in the consistency of experiences, knowing that some stuff is the same for everybody in a certain time period. The key is to expedite recovery.....
I guess I look at this as the 2nd half of the Championship Game against a very physical opponent. It's gonna take all I have but I will come out the other side of this a victor. What a trip.
I promise to be more frequent with posts. To those staying with me, and to those learning more about HPV-16 cancer, thanks for the great energy.
Speaking of energy, let's  wake up the Giants, huh?
I love you all, thanks so much for all the great posts. I read them all.
Cheers,
TS

Round Two   Day 8--Wednesday the 2nd of May

Round 3 is here and now.....the bag with the 5-FU came off on Sunday, and both ironically and typically, the pain and the heat begin soon theeafter.....which it has. But we feel we have a better hand on it. I don't feel as burnt from the inside out. My face isn't fiery red. The backs of my hands are mellow. The mouth is uncomfortable, my speech is more measured, but the sores and blisters aren't as big. I wake up EVERY morning and take a mini-inventory of mouth flexibility, lip tightness, tongue mobility, and it has remained the same since Sunday. This is good.
Fatigue is part of the game, yes. I nap now, and have been throughout the process. But I am measured and cautious about Saturday night......I do NOT want to jinx aything, but so far, so good.
You know, our lives move so quickly when we are in them, dealing, coping, adapting.....but, I'll tell ya what.....when you get forced to the sidelines, forced to take a break and NOT do all those things, it slows down so much, you have no idea. When you have pain, you hear the clock tick. All I want now is to be in September or October, having recovered from what promises to be a grueling radiation period.......I want my life back and all that I brought to it, and all that came with it.
But God has another plan, and I am in it now.
13 days to go in Round 3, then a break......I will be more than 50% done with treatments whent he round is over.....I am, most certainly, getting there.
This HPV-16 virus is a bitch. The more I learn, the more men I speak with who have suffered from it and come out the other side, the more amazed I am about it's prevalence. It is said that 80% of all men and women between 25 and 35 have the virus somewhere in them, just latent. Yes, vaccinate your teen! Absolutely. This thing is a runaway train, and it will continue to pop up and effect people daily. Just you wait and see. Study it a bit and see the numbers. If I could help one person forego the treatment and not have to go through this, I would.
The show at Town Hall Theatre is THIS Saturday night. We have a silent auction, tribute to Cinco de Mayo, a poster for the attendees, amazing musicians, a full bar, comfortable seating.......PLEASE come, we so want you there.
www.Townhalltheatre.com
You can buy tix at the door, too.
Keep the cards and letters coming in, I read them multiple times. I love you for that and for your vibe. Over 3,000 hits to this blog, can you dig it?
You're Amazing,
TS