August 26^th, 2012                                                                                   31 Days Outta Treatment

 

I’m getting fired up a bit lately and warmly supported by friends who say, “You look a lot better, than when I saw you a couple of weeks ago! Your color is great and you look super.” You know how it is, that’s the nature. I’m seeing myself on a daily basis, and in all rites should be saying the same thing to myself. There is still the guy with the polluted system that aches for feeling better emotionally and physically. Give folks a couple weeks and I bet I do look a lot better…..I’ll take it, trust me.

So, I shifted the internal message the other day. Since I’m not necessarily in the forest fire at this time and I am in the defined “Recovery program,” then the message has to be altered.  I had Tracey down at the office print out some new language for the walls of my room and my other spaces.

 

“You Are Healing Every Day”

“Won’t you try just a little bit harder?”

“Get Outside and Exercise!”

“Lively Up Yourself!”

“Do a Little More Every Day”

 

I also set up some 3 week goals for myself to help begin the return of momentum, to fill some time, move forward and build up stamina….. little accountability items that keep me visible, interacting, getting the juice from my positive and inspirational friends. That’s the only way for a guy like me to crawl out of a hole. With this said, however, I still give ground and space to rest, recovery, healing, diet, recovering strength. At this time, it’s the mornings where I’m getting my rest.

 

So, today at the Niner’s ½ time I put on some sweats and saddled Jammer up. Kiki and Dream Posse were playing a winery in Castro Valley, beautiful place but an ALL DAY affair, 3 sets, no way I could hang, and  Sam was with friends. I went to my neighbor’s  Pat & George Noceti, and coaxed George (avid biker, tremendous condition) to walk the Lucas Circle Loop in our neighborhood. Accountability partner. We got up and over the hill and a couple more to boot, thus completing the most extensive exercise since treatment ended. Get out and exercise!

So, I will get to the Club this week for the first time since March. Begin training, stretching……….I’ve stabilized and begun to slowly put on some of the 30 pounds I’ve dropped since March 14^th. Maybe put back 20 instead, huh?

 Angel Delivery Service delivered my 2004 Jeep this week, formally, and I am now back on the road again, comfortable in my Jeep, completely serviced, ready to roll. You don’t know how much getting a car back under my butt has helped. Phew…..Thanks to Tracey and Shannon for that!

 I am healing every day…….I am eating lots of different solid foods, just trouble with the taste buds, no spices, toast, peppers. No pizzas or burrito’s yet, no burgers either, but pastas, chicken, Mac & Cheese all works just fine. Let’s just say I have moved up from puree, so yeah, that’s a  win.

 

I am getting stronger every day……

 

TS

 

 

August 22^nd                                                                                                         26 Days out of Treatment

 

 It’s been two weeks since I’ve taken the time to update you all. It may give the impression that this thing is “over,” but that is far from the case. These past couple of weeks have been a real trip. My face and neck continued to cook from within, and the throat is still a bit sore when swallowing etc.

The major issue was and is my head, getting my head around this.

At just about the point I last updated you, emotions took over, chief amongst them was a form of depression that I have never ever experienced. I just flat out got down, and couldn’t shake myself out of it by any measure. It went counter to what I should be feeling, or so I thought……I’m done, the treatment and punishment is done, in my heart I know I have beaten this thing, why am I bumming?

Oh, I know…..I have just finished being beaten to a pulp, taken to death-like places in the efforts to remove a thing that could kill me. In doing so, I have exhausted every ounce of fight and strength in order to beat it, my insides are torn and burnt, my life is upside down, what, I’m supposed to be cheery?

Nope, not true, and this is often the case for someone in my spot, especially in the 3^rd week or so post treatment. It’s common at this stage, the nurses have seen it…….so they prescribe me a pill that goes at this, but the caveat is that it takes a week or so to kick in, and during that week, I will be tired and worn out. I started it and quit it on Day 3, cause it just whacked me. That got me in trouble with my awesome nurse, so back on it I went, and currently am. It does help “pick me up” and the terrible tiredness has dissipated……we are phasing out one of the morphine’s now, with plans to scale down others so that I can clear myself from the clouds and get back to reality. I am off at least 50% of the stuff I started with, put it that way, and we are scaling back, which is cool.

It was anxiety, restlessness, moodiness all in one. I didn’t like it, it isn’t me one bit, but I had to give in to it, to the nurses, and get with the program.

In the midst of all of this, my car flat out died, dropped a rod or piston, and will cost over $5,000 to fix. That didn’t help one bit, cause now I was/am  stranded. I drive a Jeep Grand Cherokee, this one is my second one….so the doorbell rings  the other day and it is our close friend Tracey…..she just had her hair done at Kiki’s, heard the whole story, and drove over her daughter’s 2004 Jeep Grand Cherokee that they were currently selling. Can you believe that?! The same year as the one I had. We worked out the price and I will own it by tonight. The angels are at work again. I’m stunned, and that has helped tremendously in turning the tide of emotion. By tomorrow I will be able to get out and about, maybe back to the office for a bit. Get myself back in the mix. Unbelievable.

We won’t have any scans done till October, so that will have to wait as things settle down inside of me.

For now, I’m doing well, still antsy, not getting much done, but planning on adding to my workload bit by bit. I just know that I am healing every day, and that is what counts.

I love you all.

TS

 

August 8^th, 2012                                                    12 Days Out of Treatment                                                  

Hey Now,

I’d like to say sorry for being so late in getting back to y’all since my FINAL day at Radiation, but truthfully, what a physical and emotional finish line. And, quite frankly, other that the driving down to the facility daily, nothing really changed. No, tearing the numbers off the wall stopped, and that is big, don’t get me wrong. The “numerology” part ceased and by now, you know that was big for me. But, here we are, 12 days since my last cook, and only now do I feel like I am clearing up. The effects of daily radiation REALLY took a toll. You can see where they concentrated, on the right side of my neck and dead on at the middle of my throat.. Of course, everything mirroring the other side of those areas took a cook too.

So, I have been hitting it with creams-a-mundo, day and night, along with some soak stuff in the day time. Word has it that two weeks or so into this part I’ll start to see improvements. So, I am being as patient as I have ever been and letting this take effect. The plumbing has taken a hit with the accompanying morphine, cause pain is a near and dear factor to me. Radiation still cooks from within, so I have to honor (and hate) that. The skin just keeps re-generating from underneath like a lizard. The left side is getting better sooner, clearing up some, but the right side, ouch.

My angels have kicked in. My sister won the on-field pre-game event with the Giants on August 1st/Jerry Garcia Night from the Lafayette Community Music Festival back in May (if it was Springsteen Night she would have sung the anthem with him!!!) bringing her sons/my nephews along with Sam and my great friend , SI B-Ball teammate and un-official uncle Bob Enright down to the field with her. There, they spent 45 minutes schmoozing with Giants and Mets players and being escorted all over by the grandest angel Bill Walton, who made sure they were in every picture, heard every story, hung out with Bob Weir and Mickey Hart from the GD, and were 10 feet away while the fellas sang the anthem. Bill graced Sam with one of two jackets made for the occasion with an SF Embroidered on the front left breast and an orange and black stealie on the back like nothing you’ve ever seen. Sam and Bill go way back, as you can imagine, and the big guy takes VERY good care of him at these special events (NBA All Star Weekends, player meet and greets, Final Four Regional Dinners with a table full of Champs, even private time down at Club Red in Fun Diego) so the comfort level is there. I appreciate my sister, Bob Enright and Bill for stepping up and making a special night even more so, while I stay home and get my ass better.

The angels also came out and supported Dream Posse during a couple of gigs on the Peninsula the past couple of weeks in Menlo Park and Redwood City. Kiki’s band is playing VERY well right now, and seeing so many familiar faces in the crowd made the “commute” even more special. Highlights included my #2 Mom, Donna Weinberg, getting up and shaking her bones on the lawn in Menlo, and being flat out pissed that no one danced in Redwood City. C’mon, Jim Nahmens, get on your Chamber and allow for a little fun down there, huh?!!? Seriously, at least 20 people per show came out, and that helps when Kiki goes to book them next year and she can back it up in numbers, so here’s to you and thanks for supporting US while we go through this as a family! So great of all of you.

My next Doctor appt is Sept 12^th with the radiologist, so I assume we will then schedule a PET Scan to see if we “got it all” so to speak. Kiki and I think of it in no other manner. Our visualization is that there is no more cancer there, the work performed did its job, and after the requisite time needed to let things calm down some, they will check and confirm that. That is how Kiki and I look at it.

 At 2 years, it’s 90+%, and the 5 year mark makes ya clean.

Seeing as I just turned 55, the 60^th b-day party is going to be off the hook. Start saving money, I think we are ALL going somewhere!

I closed that big one in Alamo last week, so I’m good for a couple more months, but I do have a couple of buyers out there that can step up anytime and I’m ready. Almost a seamless year, keep your fingers crossed.

Hold November 10^th at Town Hall Theatre for The Minks, with Pretending opening. The Minks are an all-gal female Kinks cover band and Pretending will cover Pretenders material. They do great b-side stuff, and the gal energy from both bands is tremendous! Come out and support the theatre and check me out at 180 pounds!

More to come soon from the blogspot. I’m not done healing or reporting about it.

With My Love,

TS