May 30th Sam Stack's 13th B-Day
Hey Now Everyone,
I keep apologizing for not staying on top of this blog....I realize it could translate into "what's wrong?" but not to worry, all is good. As Monday June 4th (radiation Day One) approaches, I admit to some nervousness. I also understand that it begins the countdown towards completion of treatment, and the long slow crawl out of this physical and emotional beat down.
I had a GREAT Memorial Day weekend, hope the same for you. Live music, a Giant's game, visitors.....Sam was born on the Memorial Day Sunday back in 1999.....this means that his b-day usually lasts about a week.....no party on the Memorial Day Weekend cause his buds are scattered, so we do it the following weekend, thus the one week long bacchanal. We got together with family and close friends on Sunday, and it was wonderful. My nephews have great spirit, and Sam is close with them. We hung out for about 6-7 hours, but I ran outta gas. I was able to imbibe in a couple margaritas and a beer or two, and that did not provide me any energy.....at all......but I won't be going there soon, so what the hell. The support was great, it was great to see everybody, and now it is time to roll up my sleeves and get to work.
Though I wouldn't wish this on ayone, the support and love that has come my way from everywhere has been astounding. Chicago, Atlanta, Phoenix, Denver, NYC, and all around the Bay. I am loved, I feel it, and I cherish it. Love is Real, Not Fade Away......I have gotten emails from folks I haven't spoken to in years, one in particular from SCU classmate Steve Page blew me out.....we spent a month over in Hawaii back in 1978 hanging with SCU Hawaiians (he and I were honorary locals, members of the Hawaiian Club even though we were born in SF), and his recollections and reflections from that time made me feel like I was sitting under the Halawa Falls waterfall on Molokai again.....the jungle hike in, the mystery, the serenity, the freedom, the wonder of our youth when all the world was in front of us. 34 years ago, celebrating life, loving our friends, care-free on a virtually uninhabited island.....what does it all mean? When does this ride stop for us? What stops it? Is it a little throat cancer? Is it something worse? We don't know, nothing is guaranteed, we just get up in the morning and go about our stuff. What happens when we are gone? Who picks up where we left off? Did we live our life right? Did we take care of others? Did we love unconditionally?
I'll tell you what.....my experience now, for me, has shown me that the love is there, and people will express it if they are scared and think or wonder if you may be gone. It also breeds for relative thinking, a comparative thought as to my problems vs. your problems.....we ALL go through shit, directly or indirectly, with parents, kids, friends, ourselves......my mentor and life teacher, Bill Walton reminds me that he, and I, are the luckiest guys in the world.....to love what we do, love our lives, our friends and family, to be blessed with our collective experiences both shared and expeienced individually.....and he's right. And it takes a Champion's mentality to get back to the top. Not everyone can do it, but his suggestion to read Lance Armstrong's book, "It's Not About the Bike," was a good one. I am inspired, excited, hopeful and completely FULL of wonderment as to what lies on the other side of my life when I put this cancer crap behind me. I AM lucky, because I got a reminder at 54 years old......when you get yours, make the most of it.
Don't ask me why, but in the past week, I have randomly heard an old song by Rare Earth from 1969 called "I Just Want to Celebrate Another Day of Living." Remember that one? Well, I heard it 3 times, and I have no idea why....that's not true, I do, because I believe in that stuff. So, I lean on my music and hope for the best.
Folks have had trouble posting a response to the blog....go to "Comments" and click on it. That should bring you to a box that you can begin typing in and then hit post (I think) and I'll get it. I get ALL of them. Traffic has slowed a bit with the initial diagnosis fading, but I still need you. Post something and I will revel in your support. Take care and be safe, I'll be back soon.
Aiko, Aiko
TS
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Hey Now Everybody, Break Between Chemo & Radiation
Man, I got y'all riled up for the Lafayette Community Music Festival, my goal to get there and see so many of you, and then I go completely dark. Not good blogging.....
So, we nailed the Music Fest. Anyone who was there could attest. The quality of the players, the AMAZING turnout, some GREAT stuff on the Silent Auction Table made it an entertaining evening.
To the power of goals, to believing that I was going to make it that night, the whole night. That was my goal.
My obstacle was that the gig date fell on Day 12 of the 21 day chemo round, and my notes from the 1st 2 rounds were that this was just about the worst day, the top of the bell curve, so to speak........that caused me some concern, and I off-loaded a few tasks that made my life easier. Day of show I rested, didn't meet the bands coming in like I like to do, but stayed home till 6:15 and rested, napped, retained every bit of my energy....I blew my own mind that night.....I rolled through the night, yakked my mouth off at the MC mic, intro'd everybody, and got to sing in the Grand Finale, led by Drew Harrison of the Sun Kings, a rousing version of "With A Little Help from My Friends (my choice).
I did get by with LOTS of help from my friends. The ticket turnout was amazing....loads of folks came from the Peninsula, The City, Marin, and Dan-o from Phoenix, AZ. Lots of folks took a stab at the Auction, which served to up the ante, all to the benefit of the Theatre. Cancer or no cancer, that was one of the funnest nights of my life. Thanks to everybody for bringing the great love and energy for me. The human being is an incredible energy-giving-receiving composition. Very Avatar-like, and man, my tail was plugged into that orchid all night long, baby!
I get a break from May 14th to June 4th, where I will then begin 7 weeks of radiation, 5x/week. With chemo treatments now something I have experienced and completed, I move on as boldly as I think I can. This radiation thing grows on ya, week by week, and gets nasty that 5th to then post treatment 9th or 10th week.......the radiation can and does work up to 2 mos after your last treatment, in there burning shit up.
I have a 5 or 6 guy network of fellas who have experienced this very cancer, from 48-67 years old. Each time, I was put in touch by someone who heard my story and helped me make contact. It is amazing to hear their different takes and experiences as I "interview" them. They all offer different perspectives, so I get to go a-la-carte and take the nugget ideas. I also find comfort in the consistency of experiences, knowing that some stuff is the same for everybody in a certain time period. The key is to expedite recovery.....
I guess I look at this as the 2nd half of the Championship Game against a very physical opponent. It's gonna take all I have but I will come out the other side of this a victor. What a trip.
I promise to be more frequent with posts. To those staying with me, and to those learning more about HPV-16 cancer, thanks for the great energy.
Speaking of energy, let's wake up the Giants, huh?
I love you all, thanks so much for all the great posts. I read them all.
Cheers,
TS
Man, I got y'all riled up for the Lafayette Community Music Festival, my goal to get there and see so many of you, and then I go completely dark. Not good blogging.....
So, we nailed the Music Fest. Anyone who was there could attest. The quality of the players, the AMAZING turnout, some GREAT stuff on the Silent Auction Table made it an entertaining evening.
To the power of goals, to believing that I was going to make it that night, the whole night. That was my goal.
My obstacle was that the gig date fell on Day 12 of the 21 day chemo round, and my notes from the 1st 2 rounds were that this was just about the worst day, the top of the bell curve, so to speak........that caused me some concern, and I off-loaded a few tasks that made my life easier. Day of show I rested, didn't meet the bands coming in like I like to do, but stayed home till 6:15 and rested, napped, retained every bit of my energy....I blew my own mind that night.....I rolled through the night, yakked my mouth off at the MC mic, intro'd everybody, and got to sing in the Grand Finale, led by Drew Harrison of the Sun Kings, a rousing version of "With A Little Help from My Friends (my choice).
I did get by with LOTS of help from my friends. The ticket turnout was amazing....loads of folks came from the Peninsula, The City, Marin, and Dan-o from Phoenix, AZ. Lots of folks took a stab at the Auction, which served to up the ante, all to the benefit of the Theatre. Cancer or no cancer, that was one of the funnest nights of my life. Thanks to everybody for bringing the great love and energy for me. The human being is an incredible energy-giving-receiving composition. Very Avatar-like, and man, my tail was plugged into that orchid all night long, baby!
I get a break from May 14th to June 4th, where I will then begin 7 weeks of radiation, 5x/week. With chemo treatments now something I have experienced and completed, I move on as boldly as I think I can. This radiation thing grows on ya, week by week, and gets nasty that 5th to then post treatment 9th or 10th week.......the radiation can and does work up to 2 mos after your last treatment, in there burning shit up.
I have a 5 or 6 guy network of fellas who have experienced this very cancer, from 48-67 years old. Each time, I was put in touch by someone who heard my story and helped me make contact. It is amazing to hear their different takes and experiences as I "interview" them. They all offer different perspectives, so I get to go a-la-carte and take the nugget ideas. I also find comfort in the consistency of experiences, knowing that some stuff is the same for everybody in a certain time period. The key is to expedite recovery.....
I guess I look at this as the 2nd half of the Championship Game against a very physical opponent. It's gonna take all I have but I will come out the other side of this a victor. What a trip.
I promise to be more frequent with posts. To those staying with me, and to those learning more about HPV-16 cancer, thanks for the great energy.
Speaking of energy, let's wake up the Giants, huh?
I love you all, thanks so much for all the great posts. I read them all.
Cheers,
TS
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Round Two Day 8--Wednesday the 2nd of May
Round 3 is here and now.....the bag with the 5-FU came off on Sunday, and both ironically and typically, the pain and the heat begin soon theeafter.....which it has. But we feel we have a better hand on it. I don't feel as burnt from the inside out. My face isn't fiery red. The backs of my hands are mellow. The mouth is uncomfortable, my speech is more measured, but the sores and blisters aren't as big. I wake up EVERY morning and take a mini-inventory of mouth flexibility, lip tightness, tongue mobility, and it has remained the same since Sunday. This is good.
Fatigue is part of the game, yes. I nap now, and have been throughout the process. But I am measured and cautious about Saturday night......I do NOT want to jinx aything, but so far, so good.
You know, our lives move so quickly when we are in them, dealing, coping, adapting.....but, I'll tell ya what.....when you get forced to the sidelines, forced to take a break and NOT do all those things, it slows down so much, you have no idea. When you have pain, you hear the clock tick. All I want now is to be in September or October, having recovered from what promises to be a grueling radiation period.......I want my life back and all that I brought to it, and all that came with it.
But God has another plan, and I am in it now.
13 days to go in Round 3, then a break......I will be more than 50% done with treatments whent he round is over.....I am, most certainly, getting there.
This HPV-16 virus is a bitch. The more I learn, the more men I speak with who have suffered from it and come out the other side, the more amazed I am about it's prevalence. It is said that 80% of all men and women between 25 and 35 have the virus somewhere in them, just latent. Yes, vaccinate your teen! Absolutely. This thing is a runaway train, and it will continue to pop up and effect people daily. Just you wait and see. Study it a bit and see the numbers. If I could help one person forego the treatment and not have to go through this, I would.
The show at Town Hall Theatre is THIS Saturday night. We have a silent auction, tribute to Cinco de Mayo, a poster for the attendees, amazing musicians, a full bar, comfortable seating.......PLEASE come, we so want you there.
www.Townhalltheatre.com
You can buy tix at the door, too.
Keep the cards and letters coming in, I read them multiple times. I love you for that and for your vibe. Over 3,000 hits to this blog, can you dig it?
You're Amazing,
TS
Round 3 is here and now.....the bag with the 5-FU came off on Sunday, and both ironically and typically, the pain and the heat begin soon theeafter.....which it has. But we feel we have a better hand on it. I don't feel as burnt from the inside out. My face isn't fiery red. The backs of my hands are mellow. The mouth is uncomfortable, my speech is more measured, but the sores and blisters aren't as big. I wake up EVERY morning and take a mini-inventory of mouth flexibility, lip tightness, tongue mobility, and it has remained the same since Sunday. This is good.
Fatigue is part of the game, yes. I nap now, and have been throughout the process. But I am measured and cautious about Saturday night......I do NOT want to jinx aything, but so far, so good.
You know, our lives move so quickly when we are in them, dealing, coping, adapting.....but, I'll tell ya what.....when you get forced to the sidelines, forced to take a break and NOT do all those things, it slows down so much, you have no idea. When you have pain, you hear the clock tick. All I want now is to be in September or October, having recovered from what promises to be a grueling radiation period.......I want my life back and all that I brought to it, and all that came with it.
But God has another plan, and I am in it now.
13 days to go in Round 3, then a break......I will be more than 50% done with treatments whent he round is over.....I am, most certainly, getting there.
This HPV-16 virus is a bitch. The more I learn, the more men I speak with who have suffered from it and come out the other side, the more amazed I am about it's prevalence. It is said that 80% of all men and women between 25 and 35 have the virus somewhere in them, just latent. Yes, vaccinate your teen! Absolutely. This thing is a runaway train, and it will continue to pop up and effect people daily. Just you wait and see. Study it a bit and see the numbers. If I could help one person forego the treatment and not have to go through this, I would.
The show at Town Hall Theatre is THIS Saturday night. We have a silent auction, tribute to Cinco de Mayo, a poster for the attendees, amazing musicians, a full bar, comfortable seating.......PLEASE come, we so want you there.
www.Townhalltheatre.com
You can buy tix at the door, too.
Keep the cards and letters coming in, I read them multiple times. I love you for that and for your vibe. Over 3,000 hits to this blog, can you dig it?
You're Amazing,
TS
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